My Bottom 10 Films Of 2017

MY BOTTOM 10 MOVIES OF 2017

As I mentioned in my previous post, 2017 has been a truly phenomenal year for cinema. However, that doesn't mean that it also didn't have it's fair share of bad movies and boy, were they bad. Whether they were horrors that didn't scare, comedies that didn't amuse or thrillers that didn't, well, thrill, these films spit in the face of cinema and deserve to be named and shamed for the truly rotten pieces of trash they are. To show just how terrible these 10 films are, here is a list of releases that were indeed rubbish but not quite rubbish enough;

'xXx : The Return Of Xander Cage'

'A Dog's Purpose'

'Sleepless'

'The Dark Tower'

'47 Metres Down'

'Snatched'

'The Mummy'

'Alien Covenant'

'King Arthur : Legend Of The Sword'

'Daddy's Home 2'

All bad films and all worthy of a kick of the cinematic conkers. However, compared to the following films, these viewing experiences were a pleasanr walk in the park. Without further ado, here are my picks for the 10 worst movies of 2017.

10) BEAUTY & THE BEAST - It may have made a bajillion dollars but I hated this utterly pointless, horrendously autotuned remake of the 1991 animated masterpiece. 

9) PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN : SALAZAR'S REVENGE - Amazingly, this dull and dreary entry in the horrendous sea-faring series isn't the worst 5th entry in a franchise to feature in this countdown. 

8) FIFTY SHADES DARKER - I'll give the movie this, at least it was (unintentionally) funnier than it's horrid predecessor.

7) THE GREAT WALL - As Jiimmy Kimmel so eloquently put it, Matt Damon turned down a role in 'Manchester By The Sea' to star in this chinese ponytail box-office catastrophe. I love director Zhang Yimou but this was without a doubt, one of the stupidest, most incoherent movies of the year. And that is saying a hell of a lot.

6) ASSASSIN'S CREED - In less than 2 boring hours, Michael Fassbender and Justin Kurzel prove uneqivocally that there will never be a good video game cinematic adaptation. 

5) KINGSMAN : THE GOLDEN CIRCLE - Surely the biggest disappointment of 2017, this vile sequel took all the elements that made the original film so charming and special and replaced them with shoddy CGI, horribly stereotypical characterisations and scenes that almost overstepped the boundaries of taste entirely.

4)  FIST FIGHT - Ice Cube and Charlie Day do battle as warring teachers in this low-hitting comedy farce.

3) RINGS - Any film that makes me fall asleep in my cinema seat is guaranteed a spot on tyhe bottom 10 list. Any film that makes me fall asleep twice is guaranteed a place in the bottom 3. Yes, this horror reboot is that dull.

2) TRANSFORMERS : THE LAST KNIGHT - It really wouldn't be a bottom 10 list without Michael Bay and this year he didn't let us down with this incomprehensibly bad 5th entry in the tiresome sci-fi series. Apparently, there are 16 more 'Transformers' films on the way God help us all.

1) THE EMOJI MOVIE - This uninspired, unfunny, unwanted and deeply unpleasant example of corporate pandering is not only the worst film of the year but it may just be the worst animated film ever made. Hell, it may just be the worst movie ever made. 

And with that, I bid adieu to 2017 - a year of the highest highs and the lowest lows. Thank you all for clicking, reading and commenting on my reviews and I hope that you continue to stick around as I sit and endure the best and worst Hollywood has to offer in 2018 and beyond.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year