Gods Of Egypt

GODS OF EGYPT

Director : Alex Proyas

Year : 2016

Genre : Fantasy

Rating : 1/2* 

Back in 1994, director Alex Proyas made 'The Crow'. It was an edgy, dark, violent and anarchic revenge thriller that through it's careful but effective use of beautiful noir cinematography and utter disregard for modern genre conventions became one of the true underrated gems of the early part of the 90's. Now in 2016, the same director has made 'Gods Of Egypt', a stupid, lackluster, overlong, stupid, boring and hilariously stupid fantasy romp that in it's uninspired use of rubbishy CGI and devout adherence to modern blockbuster conventions has become one of the worst and most importantly, stupidest films of the decade so far. Oh how the mighty have fallen! 

In this most inept of movies, 'Game Of Thrones' heart-throb Nikolaj Coster-Waldau stars as the mighty Egyptian God Horus who, on the day of his coronation, is usurped by his jealous uncle Sett (played in typically shouty fashion by Gerard 'Shut-up Buttwad' Butler) who promptly rips out Horus' magic glowing eyes and names himself King of all the Gods. Forced into exile, the blinded Horus finds an unlikely ally in the form of Bek (Brenton Thwaites), a mortal and very annoying thief who agrees to help the towering deity find his eyes and regain his throne but only if he in turn agrees to help his beloved girlfriend (Courtney Eaton) escape from the perils of the underworld. 

 

Much has already been written about the controversial fact that an all white cast are playing Egyptians both God and mortal and yes, I too found this incredibly problematic - or at least I would have if the film was worth getting angry about in the first place. It's true that 'Gods Of Egypt' stands as further proof that despite constant protest from both within and out the industry, Hollywood will continue to whitewash all of it's major productions without a care for ethnic sensitivity or casting diversity. Another complaint lobbied against the film is that has cost distributors Summit entertainment a whopping $140m!, a horribly overpriced budget for a film of this type. However for me, the underlying problems with 'Gods Of Egypt' don't lie with the racial prejudices on show or the massive price tag  attached to it. It's simply the fact that it is quite frankly, one of the worst films I have seen in my life. The performances across the board are terrible, the special effects are far from special and the script by writing duo Matt Sazama and Burk Sharpless (who both penned the 2015 dud 'The Last Witch Hunter') is one of, if not the worst of the year so far - a terrible cross-pollination of faux-'Braveheart'/'300' male posturing and tone-deaf, ill-judged one liners. Add to this a running time exceeding the two hour mark and you have a cinematic catastrophe the likes of which are very rarely seen these days.

In response to the overwhelmingly derisory reviews handed out to 'Gods Of Egypt', an embittered Proyas recently labelled all film critics as ''diseased vultures pecking at the bones of a dying carcass'', to which I respond ''CAW!, CAW!, CAW!''