The Worst 10 Films Of 2015

THE WORST 10 FILMS OF 2015

As I mentioned in my previous post, 2015 had it's fair share of tremendous movies - movies which stretched the boundaries of cinematic convention to heart-breaking, thrilling and sometimes disturbing effect. However, as is the case with any year, 2015 was also filled with more than a few cinematic nightmares - nightmares which not only challenged my patience but also my love for the movies in general. To show you just how rotten to the core these so-called films were, here is a quick look at the monstrosities that were indeed bad but not quite bad enough :

'Hot Pursuit' - Dated stereotypes abide in this beyond awkward buddy comedy starring Sofia Vergara and usually terrific Reese Witherspoon

'CHAPPiE' - Director Neill Blomkamp once again fails to live up to the promise of 'District 9'

'Tak3n' - Nothing more than a paycheck for the increasingly tedious Liam Neeson

'The Girl Next Door' - Hilarious yet hokey as heck psycho-thriller

'Paul Blart : Mall Cop 2' - I guess the title says it all

'The Interview' - Was this really the film that almost bought about a war? It's just the same tired, puerile shtick seen in any Seth Rogen project.

'The Last Five Years' - The broadway hit is bought to the screen to ear-bleeding effect

'The Cobbler' - Unbelievably, this horrid and shockingly misjudged fable was not the worst Sandler movie of 2015

With a list as dreadful as that, it must be shocking to learn that I actually endured TEN movies that were worse than these! Hold onto your butts ladies and gentlemen, this is going to be a bumpy ride....

10) 'HOME'

Jim Parsons has made himself a household name thanks to his multi Emmy  winning role as the neurotic physicist Sheldon in the hit US comedy 'The Big Bang Theory' and, while I may not be a fan of the show myself, I have at times found myself laughing at his bizarre, eccentric and sometimes downright psychotic actions. However, he is utterly insufferable as an outcast alien in 'Home' - a way below average animated adventure from Dreamworks which cares more about cramming in as much instantly dated slang and annoyingly mediocre pop songs into it's admittedly short running time rather than giving it's audience a good scenario or remotely memorable characters. The story lacks any drive or invention whatsoever and while it is animated with a pleasantly bright palette, 'Home' offers nothing to excite or challenge it's very young target audience. Little kids will love it. Anyone over the age of 10 will be bored, irritated and overwhemingly unimpressed by it.

9) 'GET HARD'

It's no secret that Will Ferrell has made bad films in his baffingly successful career but it's extremely difficult to think of one as grotesque, as offensive and as hateful as 'Get Hard'. Starring as a well-to-do businessman who employs the help of a black man to prepare for an upcoming prison sentence, 'Get Hard' manages to be highly racist,  homophobic and misogynist all at the same time - with more than a few prison rape gags as well as pointless and very badly executed slapstick thrown in for not so good measure.

8) 'CHRISTMAS WITH THE COOPERS'

What's worse than a bad Christmas comedy? Answer - a Christmas comedy that destroys the reputation of many of Hollywoods most respected actors. Academy Award winners Diane Keaton, John Goodman, Alan Arkin and Marisa Tomei give the absolute worst performances of their respective careers in this terrible 'Love Actually' style ensemble farce that fails to give it's audience that lovely warm festive feeling or even a solitary giggle.

7) 'FANT4STIC'

Easily the most inept superhero movie made this decade, Josh Trank's abominable 'Fant4stic' joins the list of poorly made movies centering on Marvel's most famous quartet. Rubbish special effects, terrible dialogue and laughably hokey exposition are all on offer here while Miles Teller (star of my favourite film of 2015 'Whiplash') 'Fruitvale Station's and upcoming Adonis Creed Michael B. Jordan, Kate Mara and Billy Elliot himself Jamie Bell all fail to bring any sense of fun or enjoyment to their respective roles while Trank's drab directorial style lacks any of the comic's anarchic verve that made the team so popular in the first place. Thank God the director, who showed so much promise with his intriguing found footage anti-superhero movie 'Chronicle', has been booted off the upcoming 'Star Wars' spin-off as well as the long awaited screen adaptation of the extraordinary Playstation masterpiece 'Shadow Of The Colossus'.

6) 'LEFT BEHIND'

I may be the worlds biggest Nicolas Cage fan but even I can't forgive him for his amazingly boring performance in 'Left Behind', the completely useless and clearly made for TV remake of the preachy Kirk Cameron series. Now, I make it no secret that I am a cold blooded atheist and have an instant knee-jerk reaction to anything remotely themed around religion. However, I don't hate 'Left Behind' because it's Bible-bashing balderdash, which it most certainly is. I hate 'Left Behind' because it's badly acted, badly written and very badly directed Bible-bashing balderdash that completely wastes its potential and the talents of a pretty good cast. If I didn't believe in God before watching 'Left Behind', then I sure as hell don't now. Nicolas Cage and the rapture should be infinetly more fun that this.

5) 'FIFTY SHADES OF GREY'

What was to be expected from a big screen adaptation of a book based on 'Twilight' fan fiction? Well, more than this! Everything about 'Fifty Shades Of Grey' boils my blood. I hate that it portrays women as dewy eyed idiots who fall for any man with a swanky apartment, nice cars and shiny helicopters, I hate that it expects it's audience to sympathise on an emotional level with a clearly sociopathic narcissist, I hate that it stands as a staunch tentpole for surveys researching female reading habits and I absolutely despise the fact that it made a sickening amount of money at the worldwide box office. Stars Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson really do try their best with E.L James' utterly laughable dialogue while director Sam Taylor-Wood miraculously finds some stylish beauty in many of James' adolescent fantasies. But a distinct lack of character, drive or narrative cripples the picture before it even manages to get off the ground and while it's source material promises the thrills of BDSM action and sexual escapades never seen on the big screen before, the staunch restrictions of the American censorship boards raises more laughs than the temperatures of it's expectedly horny viewers. It's baffling box office figures are a severe indictment of the state of modern cinema as well as our own collective libidos. I've seen more arousing animal autopsies than this slab of R rated rottenness.

4) 'THE RIDICULOUS SIX'

The 4th Sandler film to be released in 2015, Netflix's 'The Ridiculous Six' sees the once great comedian at his most laziest - and after his shoddy performances in 'Grown Ups 2', 'Pixels' and 'Blended', that really is saying something. Barely giving a damn in this puerile and controversial Western spoof, Adam Sandler irrevocably proves that he just doesn't care any more. No effort is put into his performance whatsoever and it is beyond infuriating to see a man earn so much ill-gotten money without lifting a finger. Can't he be arrested for fraud? Or crimes against cinema? Anything just to stop him making nonsensical drivel over and over and over again, taking all the profits in the process.

3) 'PARANORMAL ACTIVITY : THE GHOST DIMENSION'

The 6th and hopefully last entry in the increasingly tedious horror franchise, 'Paranormal Activity : The Ghost Dimension' sees the series forego it's creepy, voyeuristic roots and instead resorts to the same tired jump scare tactics that have infected the genre for the best part of a decade. Nothing remotely scary happens during it's bone-achingly long running time and as of October 2015, the only film I have ever walked out of. Let's hope that this the end of the 'Paranormal Activity' saga - the first was an inventive and thrilling experience, the rest have been utter rubbish.

2) 'MORTDECAI'

After a string of box office bombs including 'The Lone Ranger' and 'The Tourist', the career of the once great Johnny Depp reaches its all time low with 'Mortdecai', a teeth grindingly infuriating big screen adaptation of Bonfiglioli's comic caper 'Don't Point That Thing At Me'. Helmed by screenwriter and director David Koepp, 'Mortdecai' heralds the arrival of Depp's most annoying creation to date - a hideously mustachioed conglomeration of Peter Seller's immortal Inspector Closeau and Eric Idle's blustrous English pilot from 'Monty Python's Flying Circus'. A supporting cast of the likes of Ewan McGregor, Gwyneth Paltrow and Paul Bettany adds to the severe awkwardness of it all while the overly vulgar script prevents it being viewed by the clearly infantile audience its aimed at. Depp's reputation has recently been restored thanks his fearsome performance in 'Black Mass' but it's going to take more than that to repair the damage that 'Mortdecai' has done to both his career as well as my respect.

1) 'VACATION'

For a huge majority of 2015, 'Mortdecai' held the top spot on my list of the worst films of the year and I thought that, despite my better judgement, that no movie could possibly topple it. However in August, 'Vacation' came along and proved me so sorely wrong. A crass, vulgar and totally cluless reboot of the beloved 80's comedy franchise, 'Vacation' completely negates the essentially lovable heart of the series and instead resorts to the basest, most disgusting humour for a great deal of literal gags. Ed Helms (who also featured heavily in 'Christmas With The Coopers') proves to be a poor substitute for Chevy Chase's lovable Clark Griswold - a bumbling fool who cares more about satisfying his own nostalgic need instead of overseeing his family's desire for a perfect holiday - thereby ignoring the whole point to the entire 'Vacation' franchise. In the space of two hours, directors John Francis Daley and Jonathan M. Goldstein manage to take a film series that meant so much to me and completely destroys it and it is for that reason that 'Vacation' is, for me, the absolute worst movie of 2015.

Obviously opinions are opinions so you may disagree with my list. Let me know your least favourite films of 2015 and be sure to stick around in 2016 when I'm sure there will be dozens of new movies to tear apart.

Thank you for your support and have a very happy New Year!