Transformers : Age Of Extinction

 

TRANSFORMERS : AGE OF EXTINCTION

 

 

Director : Michael Bay

Year : 2014

Genre : Science Fiction

Rating : *



I have in the past been very vocal about my hatred of the work of director Michael Bay who is, in my mind, the worst filmmaker ever to have existed. His movies are consistently hideous with many such as 'Pearl Harbour', 'Armageddon', 'Bad Boys' and 'Pain & Gain' falling into the not-so illustrious category of some of absolute worst films I have ever seen. Indeed, his 'Transformers' trilogy, based on the hugely popular childrens toys of the same name is equally terrible; with 'Transformers : Revenge Of The Fallen' being regarded by many critics to be one of the biggest cinematic abominations ever. After three movies and nearly 800 minutes wasting my time watching this accursed franchise, I was ready to throw in the towel and turn my back against any future Bay release. So when 'Transformers 4' was inevitably announced last year, my reaction was, well let's say, less than happy.

However, my pessimistic attitude would soon change when the first few trailers for 'Transformers : Age Of Extinction' were released at the beginning of the year; trailers which showcased a darker edged tone, a more serious approach and better special effects than it's predecessors. Of course the trailers had the same explosions, gun-fights and head-splittingly loud soundtrack that one would expect from any Bay product but for the most part, I found myself, despite my better judgement, rather looking forward to the movie. It seemed that Bay had finally understood what ingredients make an entertaining Summer blockbuster and in doing so, had abandoned his nauseatingly onanistic directorial style.
 

Everything seemed to be on the up and up. That was until the first reviews came in and critics unanimously agreed that Michael Bay had just made another typical 'Transformers' movie with the same weak characterisations, not-so overt mysogyny and inexcusable product placement as the previous three installments of the franchise. Not to mention a running time that exceeded 160 minutes, longer than any 'Transformers' movie that had come before it as well as a budget of over $200m! My heart sank. For the first time, I had stupidly given Bay the benefit of the doubt and it appeared that I, like millions of others around the world, had been duped by a well executed trailer and the promise of a good movie. The day would finally come when I would have to experience 'Age Of Extinction' for myself and now having seen all 2 hours and 45 minutes of it, my conclusion is that despite it's massive narrative flaws, horribly stereotyped characters, rampant misogyny and a lack of any sense of entertainment whatsoever, 'Transformers : Age Of Extinction' actually turns out to be the second best film in the franchise so far. But when compared to the train wrecks that have come before it, that really isn't saying much at all.
 

After the battle of Chicago in 'Transformers : Dark Of The Moon' which left the entire city crumbling to dust, robots, whether they be benevolent autobots or murderous decepticons, are being hunted down and destroyed by the government who now see these once welcome visitors to our planet as the enemy. The machines have since gone in to hiding for fear of their lives and the world seems to be returning back to a state of much needed calm and rest. This is all explained in the first 10/15 minutes and to be fair, these moments are by far the best part of the entire movie. A darker tone is certainly present in this opening, with scenes of robots begging for their lives as they are slowly dismembered by a nonchalant army. It may look fake and I have no idea who these robots are or how they are placed in the overall story of the Transformers but following on from the horrible racism and vomit-inducing objectifcation present in the previous two installments, 'Age Of Extinction' has the tell-tale signs of a Michael Bay who has a sense of what cinema should be used for; character, emotion and story.

Unfortunately, this promising opening act would prove be the only high point in an otherwise dismal waste of 2 and a half hours with the same migraine-inducing macho-porn aesthetics that Michael Bay is renknowned and critically derided for. To say that 'Transformers : Age Of Extinction' is a bad movie is a huge understatement as there is not one moment throughout this near 3 hour long maestrom of chaos that is awe-inspiring, funny, exhilarating, entertaining or remotely watchable. It's characters are cut-out and keep archetypes and stereotypes, with a stocky and unusually downplayed Mark Wahlberg replacing the stuttering Shia LeBoeuf as the series' main protagonist who must help autobot Optimus Prime save the day while 19 year old newcomer Nicola Peltz stands around constantly screaming for help while Bay perversely ogles at her behind his camera lens. Even a supporting cast which includes cinematic slalwarts as Kelsey Grammar and the great Stanley Tucci can't help but look amateur when presented with such an unengaging story and an unbelievably infantile screenplay.

Despite an extortionate budget of nearly a quarter of a billion dollars, the special effects in 'Age Of Extinction' don't really look that impressive either. In fact, some of the monsters look downright awful. Granted, there are some choice moments here and there which look kind of nice and the many robots do have a gigantic sense of scale and magnitude surrounding them. But when special effects are placed in the hands of a director who has no sense of restraint or even common sense, they are allowed to simply run riot around the screen with no sense of purpose, leading to two hours of continuous blaring noise, blinding pyrotechnics and boring as hell fight scenes. Even when the long-awaited and admittedly awesome looking Dinobots (who appear in all of the marketing for 'Transformers : Age Of Extinction') turn up , it is 15 minutes before the end of the movie and by that point, my senses has beaten to such a bloody pulp that I cared just as much about them as I did about the other robots and human characters; which wasn't a lot.

One dull scene follows another until the film reaches it's pointless and sequel-hinting finale; a finale that could not come soon enough. Two hours and 45 minutes have been stolen from me by one of the true disgraces of Tinseltown and I have now reached boiling point; enough is enough!. There are some filmmakers out there who have genuine directorial talent but are not given the chance to prove their worth thanks to the close minded and exceptionally greedy executives running the show in America. Even Ed Wood, a director who is widely regarded as the worst in movie history still managed to create perversely entertaining and naively charming works thanks to an undying self belief, a lack of interest in financial  profit and  a stern defiance of Hollywoods traditional conventions. Michael Bay on the other hand is a filmmaker who consistently proves that he doesn't have a cinematic bone in his body but still manages to make billions of dollars creating mindless, empty headed garbage. He doesn't care about substance, context, emotion or story, he just cares about leeching money from a general public who is accustomed to paying tens of dollars at a time when going to the cinema. He may be the most financially successful director working today but he is also, without a doubt, the most cynical, manipulative and selfish ever to have worked behind a camera. 'Transformers : Age Of Extinction' marks the last time I ever will ever pay to watch a Michael Bay directed film. In fact, you will have to tie me down to a chair and perform the Ludovico technique if you want me to even look at a frame of footage shot by this antichrist of the motion picture world from now on.