The 10 Worst Movies Of 2014...So Far

 

 THE WORST 10 MOVIES OF 2014....SO FAR

While July may traditionally be a time for holidays, sunshine and barbecues, it is in the critics world, a time for retribution, vengeance and respite. Yes, it is my chance to name and shame the absolute worst movies that I have seen/endured in the past 6 months. 

As I mentioned in my previous post, 2014 is turning into one heck of a great year for cinema and it was incredibly difficult for me to chisel down the dozens of movies that I have seen to a short and snappy top ten. However as always, there are the stinkers that have reared their ugly heads over the last few months or so and while they may not outnumber the amount of truly great movies, there are still plenty out there to warrant anger and frustration. Before we get down to the nitty gritty, here are a couple of films that didn't quite make the final countdown.

'I, Frankenstein' : A ridiculously stupid semi-adaptation of Mary Shelley's classic horror opus

'The Amazing Spider-Man 2' : The completely needless sequel to a completely needless original

'Maleficent' : A horrible fantasy re-hash that destroyed the legacy of one of my all time favourite cinematic villains

'Ride Along' : Ice Cube and Kevin Hart try to remake 'Training Day'. Help!

These films are truly awful and deserve to feature prominently in any list of the worst movies of 2014. Unfortunately however, there were 10 even worse films that I had endure this year purely in the name of criticism. Let's take a quick look at them shall we? Oh boy, this is going to be fun.

10) BAD NEIGHBOURS

Seth Rogen has proved to be incredibly funny in many films in the past and Zac Efron has indeed shown his acting chops in a number of brilliantly written and wonderfully acted pictures such as 'Me & Orson Welles' and 'The Paperboy'. However, a bad script and horrible characterisations made 'Bad Neighbours' a gruelling and deeply unfunny affair that completely wastes the talents of it's cast which also includes Rose Byrne, Christopher Mintz Plasse and Dave Franco.

Read my full review here : http://dc-moviereviews.blogspot.co.uk/2014/05/bad-neighbours.html

9) DIVERGENT

 

Continuing the trend of adapting popular tween novels into big blockbuster franchises, 'Divergent' is the latest dystopian thriller to focus on a young protagonist rising up and revolting against an oppressive government. Because we have never seen that before have we? To be fair, director Neil Burger stages some quite entertaining set pieces and actress Shailene Woodley provides an engaging and relatable central protagonist. But a done-to-death narrative and an unbelievably weak script make 'Divergent' surprisingly dull and lackluster .Thank God Woodley has 'The Fault In Our Stars' to fall back on this year. 

Read my full review here : http://dc-moviereviews.blogspot.co.uk/2014/04/divergence.html

8) PARANOIA

With a hilariously low 5% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, 'Paranoia' is easily one of the most laughably bad movies of quite some time. Its plot is preposterous, its characters are painfully bland and its direction is beyond medicore. Even the great Gary Oldman can't save this one.

Read my full review here : http://dc-moviereviews.blogspot.co.uk/2014/03/paranoia_12.html 

7) THE MONUMENTS MEN

Having directed such movies as 'Leatherheads', 'Confessions Of A Dangerous Mind' and 'The Ides Of March', I had high hopes for George Clooney's 'The Monuments Men'. Telling the true story of a group of American soldiers who endeavor to rescue Nazi-impounded artwork, the film had a lot of promise. Not to mention a cast which included such stars as John Goodman, Jean Dujardin, Matt Damon, Bill Murray, Hugh Bonneville and Cate Blanchett, 'The Monuments Men' was ready to be the next great war epic. However, sloppy production values and wildly inappropriate shifts in tone make the film more of an endurance test than an enjoyable cinematic experience. 

Read my full review here : http://dc-moviereviews.blogspot.co.uk/2014/02/the-monuments-men_8181.html

6) BLENDED

It really wouldn't be a Cook countdown of the worst 10 films of the year without an appearance from Adam Sandler and as always, he hasn't disappointed. To say that 'Blended' isn't funny is a massive, almost intergalactic understatement. Proving to be nothing more than a $40m vacation for Sandler and his co-star Drew Barrymore, 'Blended' is a cynical, empty and vile piece of trash that just cements the once (supposedly) great comedians place as one of the true abominations of the motion picture world.

Read my full review here : http://dc-moviereviews.blogspot.co.uk/2014/05/blended_28.html


5) POMPEII 
 

The maestro director of 'Resident Evil', 'The Three Musketeers' and 'Death Race' manages to take one of the most catastrophic events in human history and turns it into a two hour snooze fest. That's quite an achievement. Hey, at least Kiefer Sutherland delivers a ridiculously over-the-top performance that rivals Jeremy Irons' Profion from 'Dungeons & Dragons' for pure scene-stealing hilarity.

Read my full review here : http://dc-moviereviews.blogspot.co.uk/2014/05/pompeii.html


4) GRACE OF MONACO

 

Not only playing with the legacy of one of the most famous and beloved actresses of all time but also the military records of an entire nation, 'Grace Of Monaco' makes 'The Flintstones' look somewhat historically accurate. Nicole Kidman does her best in the title role but she just can't capture the essence of what made Grace Kelly the superstar she was while Roger Ashton Griffiths' portrayal of Alfred Hitchcock is just downright hideous. 'Diana' really isn't looking that bad now is it?

Read my full review here : http://dc-moviereviews.blogspot.co.uk/2014/06/grace-of-monaco.html

3) A MILLION WAYS TO DIE IN THE WEST

I may be no fan of Seth MacFarlanes acerbic comedic style but I do recognise  and understand that he is a very talented writer. However, 'A Million Ways To Die In The West' contains none of the clever social commentary he is associated with and is instead filled to the brim with fart gags, sex jokes and an indeterminable usage of the 'F' word. 'Blazing Saddles' it ain't.

Read my full review here : http://dc-moviereviews.blogspot.co.uk/2014/06/a-million-ways-to-die-in-west.html


2) NEED FOR SPEED

If Aaron Paul wanted to prove his box office potential after his astonishing performance in the TV masterpiece 'Breaking Bad' then 'Need For Speed' may not have been the best place to start. A menagerie of horrible characters, a dozen or so dull action scenes and a worthless screenplay make it one of the most unbearable video game adaptations ever made. And in the light of what has come before it, that is really saying something. When will Hollywood stop torturing us?

Read my full review here : http://dc-moviereviews.blogspot.co.uk/2014/03/need-for-speed.html



1) THE OTHER WOMAN

How I did not walk out of this monstrosity is beyond me but here it is, the worst movie I have seen in 2014 so far, Nick Cassavettes' 'The Other Woman'. A film so repulsive to behold that I dare not begin to describe it's plot for fear that I may recall it and kill the nearest living organism. A film so hate-filled that it boils my blood just by comprehending its existence. A film so evil that is frustrates me to the point of insanity. And do want to know the absolute worst thing? Do you? 'The Other Woman' made $191m at the worldwide box office!!!!!!. How in Gods name did that happen? The Joker-faced Cameron Diaz is at her all time worst in this train wreck of a comedy that spits in the face of feminism, equal rights and just generally humanity as a whole.  I can guarantee that this film will be used as a form of capital punishment in the future because I would most certainly much rather empty both barrels of a shotgun into my cerebellum than look at a single solitary frame of this seething cauldron of brain poison. And if you are one of the unlucky ones who were dragged to this pile of steaming donkey turds, I am so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so very sorry. 

Read my full review here : http://dc-moviereviews.blogspot.co.uk/2014/05/the-other-woman.html

There is only another 160 days or so before we wave goodbye to 2014 for good and I sincerely hope to God that there is not another film on the horizon that will prove to be worse than 'The Other Woman'. If there is, I am giving up being a critic and will immediately take up residence in a monastery. 'Transformers : Age Of Extinction' awaits............