My Bottom 10 Movies Of The Year So Far

MY BOTTOM 10 MOVIES OF THE YEAR SO FAR

As I said at the end of my previous post 'THE 10 BEST MOVIES OF THE YEAR SO FAR', 2017 has, so far, been a pretty great year for movie lovers. However, inevitably, with the good must come the bad and unfortunately, these past six months have had more than it's fair share of terrible motion pictures. How bad? Well, are a few films that were indeed atrocious to watch but weren't quite atrocious enough to make the final ten...

'A Cure For Wellness'
'Sleepless'
'King Arthur : The Legend Of The Sword'
'Snatched'
'The Mummy'
'Hampstead'

Now that we've opened up the cinematic sewer, let's root around for some rather unpleasant nuggets of crap shall we?

10) 'FIFTY SHADES DARKER'

The sequel to one of the most uncomfortable viewing experiences I've ever had in cinema, James Foley's box office smash may not contain the horrendously executed erotic sequences of it's multi-Razzie winning predecessor but it still has the same bland characterisations and laughably poor dialogue making this one of the most unintentionally hilarious films of the year. 

Read my full review HERE


9) 'xXx :THE RETURN OF XANDER CAGE'

Lacking any of the fun or charisma of the 'Fast & Furious' franchise it so blantantly leeches from, J.D Caruso's utterly unnecessary reboot of the aged action franchise sees returning star Vin Diesel running around without a vest for 107 horrendously dull minutes. 

Read my full review HERE


8) 'BEAUTY AND THE BEAST'

It may have made a gazillion dollars at the worldwide box office but this soulless remake of the 1991 Best Picture nominee somehow manages to drain the magic, the wonder and, most importantly, the beauty from Disney's most enduring animated classic. 

Read my full review HERE

7) 'PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN : SALAZAR'S REVENGE'

With an incomprehensible plot, scrungy CGI and a typically annoying central performance from Johnny Depp, the latest entry in Disney's repugnant swashbuckling series may indeed be horrible but, quite amazingly, it's not the worst fifth installment in a franchise to feature in this list.

Read my full review HERE


6) 'A DOG'S PURPOSE'

Surely the strangest movie release of 2017 so far, Lasse Halstrom's emotionally manipulative dog murder-thon attempts to showcase the existential worries supposedly felt by every pooch on the planet through the use of surreal montages, poorly executed slapstick and a grating narration by Josh Gad.  It's like 'Marley & Me' but with six times the slaughter.  

Read my full review HERE

5) 'THE GREAT WALL'

A severely miscast Matt Damon does battle with inter-dimensional aliens in Zhang Zimou's mind-numblingly boring action epic that has none of the incredible cinematography and layered characterisations usually synonymous with the 'House Of Flying Daggers' and 'Hero' director. A megabudget disaster of the highest (or lowest) order. 

Read my full review HERE


4) 'ASSASSIN'S CREED'

It was meant to be the video-game movie to end all video game movies but Justin Kurzel's dreary adaptation of Ubisofts award-winning classic is definitive proof that the medium will never be translated successfully to the big screen. 

Read my full review HERE


3) 'FIST FIGHT'

Charlie Day and Ice Cube star as two teachers at war in this deeply unfunny, shockingly mean and relentlessly annoying farce that is the comedic equivalent of a crude doodle on a chalkboard,

Read my full review HERE


2) 'RINGS'

I've never been the biggest fan of 'The Ring' movies but even aficionados will find this third entry in the baffingly popular horror franchise to be a tedious and frequently incomprehensible viewing experience whose only lasting function will be as a cure for insomnia.

Read my full review HERE


1) 'TRANSFORMERS : THE LAST KNIGHT'

I knew that the fifth entry in Michael Bay's migraine-inducing action franchise was going to be bad but I had no idea just how truly horrible 'Transformers : The Last Knight' was going to be. As is always the case with any Bay production, the film is way too long, the cast (which includes Mark Wahlberg and Academy Award winner Anthony Hopkins) are unanimously terrible and the volume levels are consistently set at levels that could easily burst the human ear drum. However, 'The Last Knight' is far from the worst installment in the series. It doesn't reach the misogynistic heights set by 2009's 'Revenge Of The Fallen' and the action scenes, while unbearably loud, are more coherent than many of the others seen across the previous four films. And yet despite all of this, 'Transformers : The Last Knight' still stands as the worst movie of 2017 so far. But with six months to go before the year reaches it's end, will anything be hideous enough to knock it off the top spot? I certainly hope not...