Fifty Shades Darker

FIFTY SHADES DARKER

Director : James Foley

Year : 2017

Genre : Romance

Rating : *1/2

There are a number of films due for release in 2017 that I am really not looking forward to watching - 'Transformers : The Last Knight', 'Pirates Of The Caribbean : Dead Men Tell No Tales' and 'The Emoji Movie' to name just a few. But above any other picture this year, 'Fifty Shades Darker' is by far my most dreaded. As anyone who read my ten worst films of 2015 list will know, I couldn't stand 'Fifty Shades Of Grey', Sam Taylor - Johnson's Razzie-winning big screen adaptation of E.L James' befuddlingly popular adult novel of the same name and the inevitability of a sequel filled me with fear and full-blooded anger. My hopes were slightly raised when 'Glengarry Glen Ross' helmsman James Foley was signed on as director but when early reviews stated that 'Fifty Shades Darker' was even worse than it's predecessor, all my previous fears appeared to be fully justified. 

Yes, 'Fifty Shades Darker' is bad. It's really, REALLY bad. Its cluttered narrative barely makes any sense (several key plot points play little to no part in the overall story arc) and the ear scraping dialogue (courtesy of screenwriter Niall Johnson - husband of E.L James) makes its very talented cast look like a bunch of absolute amateurs. However, in all honesty, 'Fifty Shades Darker' isn't quite as bad as 'Fifty Shades Of Grey'. In fact, it's a surprisingly well shot and directed film with a couple of standout performances that actually manage to do justice to James' atrocious source material but like it's 2015 sibling, 'Fifty Shades Darker' is lowest common denominator popcorn fodder; it only aspires to appeal to it's core target demographic and completely alienate those who have no previous knowledge or even interest in it's turgid and supremely unsexy story.

Continuing the love/spank relationship between the mousy Anastasia (Dakota Johnson) and the hunky billionaire sadomasochist and narcissist Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan), 'Fifty Shades Darker' is pretty much more of the same and on that basis alone, it is sure to please the millions who enjoyed the books and made the previous movie one of the most successful romantic pictures of all time. As was the case with 'Fifty Shades Of Grey', Johnson once again does her best with the appalling lines she is given and while the character of Anastasia Steele is as dull as ditch-water, her innate screen charisma and charm somehow makes that dullness glisten. It's just a shame that her performance is far better than the movie itself - a movie filled with extremely unlikable characters, (even given a cliched oedipal backstory, Christian Grey remains one of the creepiest 'protagonists' in recent cinema history), endless montages that have all of the glamour and vacuity of a spangly perfume commercial and numerous softcore scenes which are as erotic as a cricket ball to the crotch. 

I really didn't like 'Fifty Shades Darker'. In fact, I absolutely despised it from beginning to end but I can't help but look upon it with a certain fondness when compared to it's toxic half-billion dollar grossing predecessor. Think of it as the equivalent of choosing to have your thumb slammed in a car door rather than your head. Both are going to be incredibly painful but one option is still considerably more preferable than the other. Yes, watching 'Fifty Shades Darker' is like having your thumb crushed in a car door. Take from that what you will.