My Bottom 10 Films Of 2016

MY BOTTOM 10 FILMS OF 2016

2016 has been a horrid year hasn't it? Not only did we face the turmoil of Brexit, the most turbulent American election in living memory, numerous humanitarian and environmental catastrophes and the tragic deaths of some of our most beloved and celebrated talents -  but we also had to suffer one of the worst years in recent cinema history. Yes, there were some brilliant works of art released this year (see previous post) but for the most part, 2016 was a pretty miserable time for cinephiles. Horrors failed to scare, action movies failed to thrill and most notably, comedies failed to make us laugh. To show you just how bad these past 365 days really have been, here are a number of admittedly rubbish films that are bad but not quite bad enough :

'Point Break'
'Joy'
'Alvin & The Chipmunks : The Road Chip'
'London Has Fallen'
'Suicide Squad'
'Fifty Shades Of Black'
'Dads Army'
'The Divergent Series : Allegiant'
'The Huntsman : Winters War'
'Everybody Wants Some!!'
'Me Before You'
'The Forest'
'The Legend Of Tarzan'
'The Mechanic : Resurrection'
'Trolls'
'Bad Santa 2'

All terrible. All worthy of a place in any worst movies of 2016 list. But for my sins, I actually saw 10 films worse than any of these cinematic catastrophes. Yes, I saw 10 films this year that were worse than 'Fifty Shades Of Black', 'Bad Santa 2' and 'Suicide Squad'. Save me Jebus!

10) 'BATMAN V SUPERMAN : DAWN OF JUSTICE'

Confusing darkness and brooding malice with murkiness and stodginess, Zack Snyder's overlong superhero epic may not be the worst film of 2016 but it is certainly one of, if not the most disappointing.

9) 'ZOOLANDER 2'

Probably the worst sequel to be released this year, 'Zoolander 2' shamelessly recycles many of the same jokes and set ups of its far superior original to predictably boring and infuriating effect. Not even a cameo from a cross-dressing Cumberbatch can save this one. 

8) 'GRIMSBY'

There was a time when Sacha Baron Cohen made comedies that had a point. Now, he is just content to bombard us with gross-out scenes and disgusting stereotypes without having any point whatsoever. In a throwaway gag about his eponymous characters' lapse parenting skills, we see Baron Cohen's very young children watching 'Breaking Bad' which only reminded that instead of watching that pile of vulgar crap, I could have been at home watching 'Breaking Bad' instead. 'Bruno' was bad. 'The Dictator' was worse. 'Grimsby' is simply unforgivable. 

7) 'SAUSAGE PARTY'

Yet another comedy that replaced wit or intelligence with crassness and vulgarity, 'Sausage Party' may have had a funny premise but it utterly collapsed due it's humourless dialogue, unlikable characters and a frankly disgusting finale which shattered the boundaries of taste and the limits of the BBFC ratings board. 15? Really?

6) 'INDEPENDENCE DAY : RESURGENCE'

The poster for this completely unnecessary sequel to the overrated 1996 sci-fi smash stated "We had 20 years to prepare" but no-one was ready for the utter atrociousness of 'Independence Day - Regurgitation'. Denis Villeneuve's masterful 'Arrival' showed audiences what science fiction can achieve. 'Independence Day : Revulsion' shows us why the genre is basically dead and buried in the blockbuster sphere. Will Smith may have starred in the substandard 'Suicide Squad' this year but he dodged a cyanide-tipped bullet by not returning to star in this dreadful rubbish.

5) 'NORM OF THE NORTH'

Rob Schneider voices a badly animated twerking polar bear. Need I say more? 

4) 'GODS OF EGYPT'

Back in 1994, director Alex Proyas made 'The Crow'. It was an edgy, dark, violent and anarchic thriller that through its careful but effective use of beautiful noir cinematography and utter disregard for genre convention became one of the true gems of 90's action cinema. statedn 2016, the same director has made 'Gods Of Egypt', a stupid, lacklustre, stupid, overlong, boring and hilariously stupid fantasy romp that in it's uninspired use of rubbishy CGI and devout adherence to modern blockbuster conventions has become one of the worst and, more importantly, stupidest films of the decade so far. Did I mention this film is stupid?

3) 'MOTHER'S DAY'

Confusingly, Garry Marshall's final 'Love Actually' ripoff was released here in the UK in time for Fathers Day. But it would have been more appropriate for the odious 'Mothers Day' to have been released at Halloween.

2) 'NINE LIVES'

In any other year, 'Nine Lives' would have topped my list of the absolute worst films of 2016. But thankfully for it and unluckily for me, there was one movie even worse. Kevin Spacey has never been more annoying and less competent than in this horrible family 'comedy' which sees the two-time Academy Award winner voicing a poorly animated CGI cat while Christopher Walken stumbles around in a drunken stupor looking for plot or even a point to the proceedings. Cats may have 9 lives but you only have one. Don't waste it watching this rancid piece of mouldy kitty crap. 

1) 'DIRTY GRANDPA'

'Nine Lives' may have been awful but even that compares favourably to 'Dirty Grandpa', easily the worst film of 2016 and one of the worst comedies I've ever seen. In a career obliterating turn, Robert De Niro - yes, ROBERT DE NIRO - stars as the recently widowed Dick (a most suitable name) who, with his dopey grandson (Zac Efron) in tow, embarks on a vulgar, disgusting and xenophobic drug-fuelled trip around Miami in an attempt to regain his sexual youth. There are too many putrid horrors of 'Dirty Grandpa' to name but all I can say is that it is a filthy blot on both actors careers that can never be erased. It will haunt their respective filmographies forever and will stay with every poor soul who paid hard earned cash to see it. Much like chicken pox or impetigo, the sickness may eventually disappear but the scars will linger for a very, very long time. Congratulations 'Dirty Grandpa', you are not only the worst film of 2016 but you are easily one of the most soul-destroying experiences I have endured in my 25 years here on Planet Earth.