The Canyons

 THE CANYONS

Director : Paul Schrader
Year : 2013
Genre : Erotic Thriller
Rating : *

 

Continuing Lindsay Lohan's immeasurable fall from grace, 'The Canyons' is a vile piece of inexcusable crap from writer/director Paul Schrader whose previous works include the sublime 'American Gigolo' and not so sublime 'Cat People'. Telling the story of a misogynistic slasher film producer who goes berserk when he finds out that his equally promiscuous girlfriend is having an affair, 'The Canyons' is (according to Schrader) a commentary on the death of cinema and the proclivity of amorality and corruption in movie production today. Beginning with scenes of derelict cinemas and abandoned movie studios, 'The Canyons' tries to engulf us in the world of Hollywood and the desperation felt by those who are eager to make a name for themselves in Tinseltown and while this opening sets us up for a much more interesting picture, it very quickly loses it's edge as soon as the shallow characters open their mouths and the stupid plot quickly kicks in .

Not only starring Lohan, the film also features James Deen; the adult star of such award winners as 'Art Of Romance 2', 'Big Boob Addicts' and of the course, the gloriously named '1 In The Pink, 1 In The Stink 9' (source IMDB). Acting alongside the pair, we have the hilariously named Nolan Funk as a would be actor, relative newcomer Amanda Brooks as a throwaway love interest and a pointless cameo from director Gus Van Sant as a layabout psychiatrist.

Funded by a Kickstarter project, 'The Canyons' cost $250,000. Where that money went, I have no idea because the film is one of the shoddiest productions I have ever witnessed. Not only is the acting unanimously atrocious especially from porn star turned 'actor' Deen but also the cinematography is poor, the narrative is shambolic and unfocused, the score is unimaginative and bland and the script by none other than 'American Psycho' author Bret Easton Ellis is laughably perfunctory and unbelievably adolescent. Throw in a number of completely gratuitous shots of breasts and penises and you have a film that is so ghastly, so cheap looking and so repulsive to behold that it is not worth even pirating or illegally streaming. It should just be chucked into a rubbish tip where it's nauseating performances and scrungy camera style would be much better suited. If Lindsay Lohan wanted to revive her dead career and return to the stardom she achieved thanks to films such as 'The Parent Trap', 'Mean Girls' and 'Freaky Friday' then 'The Canyons' may not have best the best place to start.