The 10 Worst Movies Of 2012

MY BOTTOM 10 WORST MOVIES OF 2012

As mentioned in my previous post, 2012 was a fantastic year for movies but it was also a year of rubbish remakes, sequels and reboots. Action films were particularly bad, and horror not much better. With this in mind, here is my list of the worst movies of 2012.

10) Piranha 3DD :

A rubbish sequel to a rubbish original. 'Piranha 3DD'  has zero scares, zero acting and the one of the worst titles in movie history. David Hasselhoff cameos as a life guard and has a large grin throughout the movie. I'd imagine its because of the paycheck that he is recieving for being in this mess. If only the prints of the movie could be torn apart as much as the people in this movie.

9) WE :

Madonna shouldn't be allowed to make movies. Stick to music Madge. Not a movie which says Nazi sypathisers were misunderstood people and a movie which is about as historically accurate as 'The Flintstones'

8) Brave :

Since Pixar made the best movie of 2010 'Toy Story 3', they have really started to let themselves down, first of all 'Cars 2' in 2011 and now 'Brave' which tells the story of a young girl who accidently turns her mother into a bear. To me, 'Brave' seemed too simple to be a Pixar movie and could have easily been another tedious Dreamworks animation. The actors who voice the characters are some of my favourites, especially the gorgeous Emma Thompson who voices the mother, but nothing fits together.  There is no villain of sorts, the addition of 3 trouble making toddlers screams 'Despicable Me' and the storyline just isn't as interesting as other Pixar masterpieces such as 'WALL-E', 'Monsters Inc.' and 'A Bug's Life'. Of course the animation is perfect as always, but when you are Pixar, that is expected. It's not enough anymore just to rely on visuals to see you through (I'm looking at you Michael Bay).  I just hope Pixar breaks this chain of mediocre movies, they are so much better than this.

7) The Amazing Spiderman:

I may be now be lynched by comic book fans, but I really hated Marc Webb's over excited film. To me, the best superhero movie ever made is Sam Raimi's fantastic 'Spiderman 2' and in my opinion, this movie does nothing to add to the brilliance of Raimi's best movie (although I eagerly await 'Oz, The Great & Powerful'). Andrew Garfield has shown many times that he a great actor, but he adds nothing here to Tobey Maguire's more reserved Spiderman. I know that 'The Amazing Spiderman' is a different take on the Spiderman origin story, but to me, a cocky, witty and headstrong Peter Parker doesn't make for a captivating character. Another problem is a weak villain, Rhys Ifans who I usually love, (check out the Pete and Dud biopic 'Not Only But Always') plays Dr. Curt Conners who inadvertantly turns himself into the Lizard, who is not as captivating as Dr. Octopus from 'Spiderman 2' or a as menacing as The Green Goblin from 'Spiderman'. Yes, 'Spiderman 3' was a disaster, but why couldn't we just have Raimi's trilogy, instead of this reboot which isn't needed at all?

6) The Pact :

I can't write much about this because as soon as I had watched this awful piece of cinema, everything about it had escaped my memory. The only thing I could remember about it was how thoroughly bored I was throughout it and how incoherent the plot was. There isn't even a pact in the movie!

5) The Darkest Hour :

Science Fiction can be a genre which really breaks the boundaries of cinema and can really deliver something you haven't seen before, such as 'Moon' and 'District 9'. Unfortunately, glowing balls of electricity that resemble the effect of putting your hand on a static ball does not qualify as rivting Sci - Fi. This stupid, incoherent mess of a movie was a waste of 1 and a half hours of my life and I beg you, please avoid this car crash of a movie. You will thank me for it later.

4) Beneath The Darkness :

I think that no one can doubt that Dennis Quaid has made some bad movies, he made 'Legion' for Gods sake. But, 'Beneath The Darkness' really does take the biscuit. Quaid plays a mortician who is beloved by his town by day, but murders people by night. All the acting is dire, there is no suspense for a horror movie, and there is zero gore. When a movie is so boring and pointless, usually the director adds gore to increase it's popularity. 'Beneath The Darkness' doesn't bother so I'm not exactly sure who the audience is for this movie. All I know is, it is certainly isn't me. The movie had a budget of 7 million dollars and made a grand total of $9,600 at the box office. Need I say more?

3) Ghost Rider : Spirit Of Vengeance :

While this may be a rare viewpoint, I think that Nicolas Cage is a great actor. Don't believe me, watch: 'Con Air', 'Matchstick Men', '8mm', 'Face/Off', 'Wild At Heart' or 'Leaving Las Vegas'. However, 'Ghost Rider : Spirit Of Vengeance' cannot profess to be in this list. Not surprising really as this is the sequel to 2007's god - awful 'Ghost Rider', one  of the absolute worst movies of 2007. The CGI is done a lot better than the original and Cage gives more conviction to the character of Johnny Blaze but this doesn't help a movie which is stupid, ugly to watch and tediously boring. Please Nick, just make one good movie.....please.

2) John Carter  :

This is the first movie in my top 10 worst movies of 2012 which stars the charisma vaccum Taylor Kitsch, an actor who most people may recognise from 'Snakes On A Plane'. Besides that, he has been in nothing notable except for this, one of the biggest money losing movies in history. With a budget of over $250,000,000, 'John Carter' made just $30,000,000 profit. This may not seem so bad, but a movie breaks even when the movie makes double it's budget. That means 'John Carter' had to make half a billion dollars to be considered a success, instead losing almost it's entire budget costs. It is the biggest money losing film in Disney history, which is surprising due to the popularity of the Edgar Rice Burroughs stories, and the director of the movie Andrew Stanton, who directed the 'Toy Story' trilogy. It may not surprising to learn that the movie is awful; too long, awfully acted and a plot which makes zero sense whatsoever. The special effects are good, but nothing we haven't seen before and the ending clearly sets up a sequel. If Disney have any sense, they will not fund it as they will just lose out on more money.

1) Battleship:

No other movie last year bored me as much as 'Battleship', which is quite a considerable feat when a movie is as tediously dull as 'John Carter'. If I'd ever wanted to watch either 'Transformers' or 'Pearl Harbour', I would (not that I ever will), not a hideous hybrid of them both which ends up twice as bad as both of those movies together. The acting is diabolical with another Razzie worthy performance from the ever reliable Taylor Kitsch and a fleeting cash grabbing cameo from Liam Neeson. The storyline is one of the most incomprehensible I have ever seen in a movie and the constant explosions and lasers just bored me out of my metaphorical tree. I never want to see a single frame of this movie again, just like I never want to have to endure anything by Michael Bay again. The only thing that is remotely interesting about this movie is the awful but PhotoShop job of Liam Neesons face on the DVD and blu ray cover. Besides that, nothing. Nothing at all.

That's my bottom 10 worst movies o f 2012. Hopefully, 2013 will be a better year. But who know? Only time will tell.