My Bottom 10 Movies Of 2014

MY BOTTOM 10 MOVIES OF 2014

As I mentioned in my previous post The Top 10 Movies Of 2014, last year was a tremendous time for cinema. However as is the case with any year, 2014 wasn't shy of throwing at us some utterly horrific excuses for films to spice things up a bit too. To show you just how bad these abominations were, here are a few movies that were indeed terrible, but not quite terrible enough:

'Horrible Bosses 2'

'Paranoia'

'The Monuments Men'

'Bad Neighbours'

'Mrs. Browns Boys D'Movie'

'Lucy'

'The Canyons'
'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles'

'Tammy'

'The Purge : Anarchy'

'Ride Along'

'Khumba'

'I, Frankenstein'

'Divergent'

These movies are bad and I would have to drink a bathtub of absinthe to watch 5 seconds of any of these train wrecks again. However, 10 movies released last year proved to be so much worse. Yes, it may be hard to believe but are there are movies which are less entertaining than 'Mrs. Browns Boys D'Movie', 'Tammy' and 'Horrible Bosses 2'. Oh the humanity!

10) 'THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 2'

The unnecessary sequel to the unnecessary reboot, 'The Amazing Spider-Man 2' does nothing to improve on Sam Raimi's original fun but admittedly disparate trilogy and only serves to tighten Marvels incessant grip of our cultural jugular. Andrew Garfield is great as the titular webhead and Emma Stone's Gwen Stacy is a much better substitute for Kirsten Dunst's annoying M.J Watson but an overly complex narrative, a shabby screenplay and three equally uninteresting antagonists make 'The Amazing Spider-Man 2' an overlong, boring and poorly constructed cashgrab for the comic book juggernaut.

9) 'MALEFICENT' -

A movie that managed to destroy the legacy of one of my all-time favourite cinematic villains over the course of its running time, 'Maleficent' is an ambitious but deeply flawed fantasy that takes one of Disney's most iconic and highly regarded antagonists and turns her into a troubled antihero, using a 'Frozen'-esque twist in a vain attempt to add character and depth. In any other fantasy, this would be perfectly fine; in fact, stronger, more developed female leads would be a welcome addition to the otherwise generic  and predictable genre.  But by adding dimensions to Maleficent only serves to dilute and infantilise the Disney villain whose only ideology was purely and simply evil. Angelina Jolie does her best as the horned witch but fails to capture any of the menace or strength that voice actress Eleanor Audley bought to the role while the rest of the cast (which includes a wildly miscast Sharlito Copley) wander aimlessly looking for something to do.

8) 'ANNABELLE'

2014 had more than it's fair share of bad horror movies but none were no poorly put together, badly acted or so lacking any scares whatsoever than 'Annabelle'. Posing as a prequel to 2013's hugely popular 'The Conjuring', 'Annabelle' dispenses with any sense of threat, terror or even entertainment to bring us a painfully conventional and utterly pointless waste of an hour and a half. If the movies main problem was that it was just not scary in any way shape or form, then I may go a little easier on it. But I really hate the fact that the producers and director of 'Annabelle' made their millions by simply leeching off a public wanting to see a worthy prequel to a film they enjoyed, without taking any notice of it's fans needs, wants or even expectations. It is cynical, selfish filmmaking at it's absolute worst.



7) 'BLENDED'

It really wouldn't a bottom 10 worst movies of the year list without an appearance from the always unreliable Adam Sandler and 2014 is no different. If you paid to watch the grotesque 'Grown Ups 2', then chances are you paid for Sandler and Drew Barrymore to go on vacation to Africa. Toilet humour, racial stereotypes, unlikable characters and all the other Sandler conventions are in full flow throughout 'Blended' and while it may not be as horrifically odious as other comedic graveyards such as 'Jack & Jill', 'That's My Boy' or 'Just Go With It', the film is still a gaping black hole of charm, sincerity or watchability.



6) 'POMPEII'



Does anyone even remember this movie? Filmmaker extraordinaire Paul W.S Anderson takes one of the most famous and catastrophic natural disasters in history and turns it into a melodramatic snooze-fest complete with bad acting, mediocre special effects and even worse direction. The only saving grace of 'Pompeii' is a wonderfully over the top turn by Kiefer Sutherland but even he can't save this pyroclastic flow of garbage from escaping the clutches of banal pointlessness. The eruption of Mount Vesuvius could make for a spectacular cinematic experience - this is not that experience.



5) 'GRACE OF MONACO'



Biopics can sometimes be the most surprising and rewarding movies a cinema-goer can see. They can be uplifting, they can educate and they can increase the legend of some of our most iconic (and least iconic) celebrities. However, some foolishly decide to take the opposite approach. 'Grace Of Monaco' is sadly one of those biopics. Changing the life story of one of Hollywood's most beloved icons to an almost impossible amount, Olivier Dahans preposterous drama plays fast and furious with the truth and turns one of cinemas golden girls into a laughably inept joke. Even Dahan himself said, ''I did not do any special research about Grace of Monaco''. No sh*t Sherlock!



4) 'TRANSFORMERS : AGE OF EXTINCTION'



As is the case with Adam Sandler, Michael Bay always has to make some contribution to my annual 'Bottom 10' list and this year 'Transformers : Age Of Extinction' fails to buck the trend. What was advertised and promoted as a reboot and change of direction for the explosive sci-fi franchise turned out to be yet another migraine-inducing assault on the senses with the same overblown action scenes, barely developed characters, rampant misogyny and hilariously obvious product placement that one would come to expect from any Bay production. It's a billion times better than 'Transformers : Revenge Of The Fallen', 'Pearl Harbor' or 'Pain & Gain' but that really is no sort of compliment as so is holding your hand over a boiling kettle. Thankfully, Bay will not be returning to direct the fifth instalment so maybe the next 'Transformers' film will be better. To be honest though, I can't imagine any movie about giant robots whacking each other in the aluminium testicles for the best part of three hours is going to have much cultural value in the first place.



3) 'A MILLION WAYS TO DIE IN THE WEST'



Seth MacFarlane is capable of writing truly ingenious, subversive comedy. Sure, 'Family Guy' and 'American Dad' are not really my cup of tea but 'Ted' had it's moments of genuine hilarity and it is clear watching him in interviews and other talk shows that he has a massive talent. So it is such a surprise to see a comedian of his reputation to resort to the most immature, degrading and puerile humour seen on any cinema screen this year. Isn't is Adam Sandler's job to bring poo jokes to the mainstream?


2) 'NEED FOR SPEED'



'Breaking Bad' is the best television show I have ever had the pleasure of seeing and Aaron Paul is one of the key elements why the programme was not only so successful but also so adored. So it is with a very heavy heart that I have put a movie starring one of the most accomplished actors in TV history in my count down of the absolute worst movies of the year. But with such a terrible plot, repugant characterisations and obvious lack of directorial restraint, there is no way that 'Need For Speed' wasn't going to make the list. The cast which also includes the great British actress Imogen Poots, Dominic Cooper and even Michael Keaton are given nothing to do remotely interesting while the many car chases are well filmed but thanks to poor editing and oversaturation become tiresome incredibly quickly.  When will filmmakers treat video game adaptations with the proper respect that their fans deserve?


1) 'THE OTHER WOMAN'



Despite the previous 9 movies possessing little to no redeeming qualities, no film of 2014 angered, frustrated, dismayed, repelled, disgusted and angered more than Nick Cassavettes anti-romantic comedy 'The Other Woman'. Utterly horrible from the first frame to it's last, the movie poses as a pro-feminist text while actually coming across as one of the most viciously hateful and grossly misogynistic films I've ever seen. Cameron Diaz is at an all time career low as one of the worst characters ever to be put to celluloid; a hideous manifestation of our 'Sex & The City', 'Loose Women', 'Real Housewives Of...' culture. Funnily enough, Diaz also starred in bawdy comedy 'Sex Tape' this year, another movie that has been ripped to shreds by critics but after 'The Other Woman', I just could not bring myself to it face it. Director Nick Cassavettes has had major commercial success with soppy romance 'The Notebook' and the ultra-manipulative 'My Sisters Keeper' (which incidentally also starred Diaz) but even ardent fans of his female-orientated guff have seemed to have turned their back on him. And it's about bloody time too.


I am certainly glad to have turned my back on those films but I know that equally terrible movies are bound to be released over the course of 2015. Like every job, being a film critic is a rollercoaster ride. One day, I could watch a magnificent opus created by true artists, the next I could experience a film so dreadful that I wish that I would spend more time in libraries. However, bad movies do have their benefits - they make us realise what good films truly are and 2014 had many, many more of those than these.