My Bottom 10 Worst Christmas Films Of All Time

MY BOTTOM 10 WORST CHRISTMAS FILMS OF ALL TIME

As I mentioned in my previous top 10 Christmas films post, the festive season provides us with some of the most beloved and timeless movies ever made. But while some Christmas films touch our hearts and our minds, others exploit our love for the yuletide and the general goodwill that is felt as this happy time. Content just to throw rubbish acting, poor storylines and terrible scripts at us for their own pleasure, these films epitomize what is wrong with this usually jubilant season. So, as you finish that giant tin of Celebrations and shake off the large crumbs from your novelty Rudolph jumper, here is my list of the 10 worst Christmas films ever made;

10) A Christmas Carol (2009) - As mentioned on my previous post, there have been many cinematic adaptations of Dicken's classic story, both live action and animated. But while many are not necessarily good films, Robert Zemeckis' motion capture animation seems to lack any of the wit or the message behind the original text. Jim Carrey is fine as Ebenezer Scrooge but his personality is so big and the characterisation is so similar to his usual comedic shtick that I never saw a personification of Scrooge. I just saw an animated Jim Carrey. Many cinematic Scrooges have managed to become the character and embody the ideologies that Dickens had for him. Michael Caine for example dominates the screen as a tragic antihero in 'The Muppet Christmas Carol' and Alastair Sim plays the character in a much more sympathetic vein in 'Scrooge'. Carrey doesn't have any tragedy or sympathy that is key to the character and this is my underlying problem with the film. The direction itself is quite lackadaisical, substituting a moment of tragedy or quiet for a loud, action filled set piece and while these may have worked for 'The Polar Express', they completely destroy any sense of threat or danger immediately. They do nothing to develop the narrative and instead come across as Zemeckis showing just what the animation and 3D can do. I'm not interested in the animation or the gimmicky 3D. I watch 'A Christmas Carol' to see a man transform from a miser to a good man and this version just doesn't have any of the substance that made the novel so indelible. Rather than telling one of the greatest stories ever written, the movie plays like an animated ride at Walt Disney World and this is not what 'A Christmas Carol' is or deserves.

9) Santa Who? (2000) - Leslie Nielsen plays Santa. So far so good. Leslie Nielsen plays Santa who falls out of his sleigh and develops amnesia. Not so good. Strained dialogue, terrible characterisations and featuring none of the comedic talent that made Leslie Nielsen a star. Not to mention awful special effects and hokey acting from all involved.

8) On The 2nd Day Of Christmas (1997) - Mark Ruffalo can do wrong, right? Wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Playing a security guard who falls in love with a woman he has apprehended for shoplifting, 'On The 2nd Day Of Christmas' is a barf - fest of epic proportions with one of the most contrived and unbelievably ridiculous endings I have seen in any movie, ever.

7) Christmas In Wonderland (2007) - Two kids find a bag of counterfeit money in a shopping mall, a bag that just happened to be dropped by two bumbling theives/idiots. Commence rubbish jokes and slapstick that would make Marv and Harry look like ballerinas. A 'Home Alone' for those who find 'Home Alone' too violent and threatening.

6) The Santa Clause (1994) - Tim Allen kills Santa and slowly becomes the jolly fat man after putting on the suit. Merry Christmas everyone!

5) Jack Frost (1998) - Michael Keaton is killed in a car crash and comes back as the scariest snowman in cinema history. Merry Christmas everyone!

4) How The Grinch Stole Christmas! (2000) - I love Dr. Seuss and How The Grinch Stole Christmas! is one of my favourite stories of all time. Well, it was until Ron Howard and Jim Carrey defecated on it. I don't remember their being so many fart or burp jokes in Seuss. Stick to the Chuck Jones original, it's shorter, it's funnier and it's a billion times more charming. Plus, it's got the voice of Frankenstein's monster!

3) Jingle All The Way (1996) - I like Arnold Schwarzenegger but really, is there any excuse for 'Jingle All The Way'. If I wanted to watch a bunch of adults fighting over toys, I'd stand in Toys 'R Us for an hour or two. It would certainly be more entertaining than this pile of Rudolph droppings. Not to mention the fact that it features Sinbad, the most annoying thing on the planet ever.

2) Four Christmases (2008) - Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon play a couple of egotistical, selfish melon farmers have to visit their  four families who are a bunch of melon farmers on Christmas Day. Yeah, it's that funny. Who knew that Robert Duvall, Sissy Spacek and Mary Steenburgen could be so god awfully bad?

1) Deck The Halls (2006) - I only watched the film this week and it has shot to the top of this list faster than Homer Simpson at a doughnut eating contest. I don't think I can remember a time when a Christmas movie made me want to burn my tree down and wrap the lights around my own neck. Who ever thought that Danny DeVito and Matthew Broderick would make a great screen pairing. Astaire and Rogers, Pacino and De Niro,Kelly and Grant, Scheider and Shaw.... DeVito and Broderick???? WHAT? Telling the heartwarming story of the arguments that two men have over Christmas lights, 'Deck The Halls' is the cinematic equivalent of a lump of coal in your stocking. Oh no wait, that's not coal....